Be Still My Hearts

 Have you ever heard of the spoon theory? Apparently, in this theory, we all have a set number of spoons each day. Each spoon consists of energy, and we use that energy by our daily activities. 

I always had a hard time imagining spoons. Spoons don't equal energy for me in my mind.  I like what my friend Cara, who also struggles with chronic illness and fatigue said. She likened it to hearts on a video game, specifically, the hearts you would have when you play a farming simulator, such as Stardew Valley. We and a couple of other friends used to play weekly together, so I knew exactly what she meant. 

In this game, you start off with so many hearts. But each activity makes your hearts fade. Tilling the soil, planting crops and watering, cutting down trees or grass, foraging...your goal is to make it through the day, getting your tasks done, without losing all your hearts. If you do lose your hearts, you collapse, and you wake up the next day with less heart energy than you had the day before. This is frustrating when you are working on a goal in the game and you have to take it easy that day. It's also hard in real life.

Every thing we do takes energy. Some things take more energy than others. And that is different for every person and even on different days! This makes it so frustrating!! Vacuuming your floor? Energy. Taking a shower? Energy. Meeting a friend for coffee? Energy. Reading a favorite novel? ENERGY!

In the video game, and in real life, there are ways you can "slow your hearts". Here are a few I'm trying to implement in my life: 

1. Take a break. Now not in all video games, but in some, you can "nap" and some of your hearts are restored. In real life, we need to have moments where we do nothing. We rest. We stare out the window at the birds. We close our eyes. We find a good instrumental music channel on YouTube and just listen. We don't take any information in (like reading or audiobooks, podcasts, etc.), minus the birds in the trees or the music or the still quietness. This is HARD. The world screams at us! We need to do this! We can't forget that! In those moments, keep a notebook and pen nearby and just jot down the things that come to your mind that you need to do. You can work on them later. 

This isn't an 'emptying your mind' type of mindfulness. It is more focusing on one simple thing. The piano notes as they hit on the music app. The bird as it twitters in the trees. You can use this time to pray, if that's something you do or aim to do, but don't get too wordy. Just be thankful for the birds...the music...this time of rest... Sometimes, when we get in prayer mode and we think about what we need, well, that can be exhausting too! 

2. Spread out your energy tasks. I aim to do a beginner friendly walk or exercise for 10-15 minutes a day. It is far from where I was years ago before I was diagnosed with CFS. However, if I need to do a deeper clean on the house that day, I skip my work out. I know that if I do both, I will crash. So I do what I need to do, when I need to do it. 

I also spread lower energy tasks in between the higher ones. For instance, I am resting now with tea. In a bit, I will unload the dishwasher. But I won't load it! When I'm done unloading, I'll sit down and maybe make a phone call to set up an appointment, which still requires energy, but not as much. Then I may make a sandwich for lunch (still energy!) and then after I eat it, I will load the dishwasher. 

3. Make a List. This tip comes from The Fatigue Book, by Lydia Rolley. Write down all that you do, or want to do, in a given week. This includes reaching out to a friend, or decluttering the kitchen, or reading book, or even (gasp!) sex. Seriously, it ALL takes energy! Then, rate it! What's a higher energy item? What is medium energy, and what is lower energy? When you see that list, then maybe you can decide to NOT declutter your kitchen when you are planning a hot date with your spouse! Then, intersperse your higher energy items on days when you can only do that thing, or when you can tack in a couple of lower energy stuff, so you don't burn out. 

4. Set a Timer. If reaching out to this particular friend is exhausting (let's face it, some friendships are lower key than others, and that's ok!), then set a timer and only talk to them for a set time. "I'm sorry, _____, I have about a half hour to chat today, but then I can catch up with you again next week." Usually, people will understand and be glad that you made time for them. Even if they don't fully understand the chronic illness you struggle with, they do understand being busy. When it comes to big projects, set a timer so you take a break. A good time to start with is a half hour or fifteen minutes. After the timer goes off, take that amount as a break. Don't do the task all day either, maybe do that for an hour or two (half hour on, half hour off, half hour on, half hour off), and save the rest of the project for another day. (Also, quick tip: don't finish the project the next day either. Save it for next week, or at least three or four days later). 

I hope this helps you hold onto your hearts a little bit longer through the day! Do you have any tips to add? What frustrates you the most about slowing down to keep your hearts? Please share! Let's encourage each other in living this slowed down life!

Maria